Win. Lose or Draw.

Somewhere along the way as I began the push to June 27th (Yes, the Blaze Pro Wrestling: Never Give Up event) I found my energy and motivation beginning to flag. 

BPW Presents !

Not because I don't wanna have the higher profile match, but simply because ... well crap, pick your reason.

Old. Tired. Working nights. Daddy duties. Literary convention. Plotting my next novel. Living arrangement issues. Regular aches and pains.

You know.

Life.

Let me tell you, no motivational "What are you willing to give up? What are you willing to Sacrifice?" speech or video you see being shouted in your face by those really swell people online who look super happy and fit  is gonna be able to wipe away LIFE and how it can drag you down.

Don't misunderstand. I'm in a very good place, there are so many things and people I am grateful for ...  I am truly happy.

That don't make shit any easier though.

Getting to ring training before work was more of a slog than it should've been. Props to the crew that showed up to work hard. I'd come in with every intention to push my pace; get us running, doing footwork and grappling drills, working on more complicated sequences.

Lotsa Grey Here

Not to say what we worked on wasn't good. I remain incredibly proud of this group and the progress I see them making every damned week. They all worked super hard and added to their collective toolboxes. 

I just expect more of myself.

Somewhere my therapist is probably making space on the couch for my return. Wanting to have another in depth discussion about how "everyone has limits" and how "No one expects me to be more than who I am."

The thing is though, is that I always expect more of me. 

I'm told that every athlete goes through this feeling (and yes, I am referring to myself as an athlete - suck it all my haters and their masturbatory podcasts). Where no matter how much one still has to offer to their chosen sport, the realization that they'll never be as good as they used to be is tough to swallow. Hell, its the reason why high level athletes often get cut and traded well before they think they're ready to hang it up.

Sometimes they prove people wrong and lead teams to greatness. Others blow out their Achilles on the

Fuck This Guy

first sequence and prove their haters right. 

I guess that's what's bugging me going into this match. Mentallo is out there on the road right now, still working at the top of his game. A top level athlete making the towns, having 50-plus matches a year (at minimum) still paying the price and giving crowds main event quality matches.

And I'm struggling to get through 45 minutes on the cross-trainer 4-times a week.

Look, as I write this it's 3AM. My body clock is an absolute mess and I'm trying to ignore some aches and pains that Advil isn't managing.

So, most of this feeling is just internal self-doubt.

And fear.

Man, that's hard to write. 

True though.

I'm afraid that I'm gonna metaphorically (I hope) blow out my Achilles on June 27th.

The version of me that was able to keep up with and go hold for hold, step for step with the top flight wrestlers who were often half my damned size is long gone. I've adapted and adjusted to remain competitive and relevant for a long time.

The ability to do that has always come through hard work. Battling my "War of Dad Blog", spending time in the gym, trying not to eat terribly and just... just putting in the effort.

Half Assed Effort Gets Half Assed Results.

I try to do everything with my Whole Ass.

Uh... You know what I mean.

Look, if you made it this far into my rambling please take this thought away.

In two weeks I plan to be the best version of myself possible. It will not be the version of myself I'd like to show you all, that man is about a decade behind me. However, I believe I've got more to give. The BPW office, crew and trainees have shown me more support and encouragement than I've received in wrestling - probably ever. And THEY Believe I've got more to give.

In a tough, carny industry where there's so much back-talking and politicking I want to repay their kindness and love by bringing my Best Effort to the Ring.

Win. Lose or Draw. 

*****

I'll post more gym updates in a day or so for anyone interested. I also wrote out some gym fundamentals the other day for a beginner, so I can make a version of those available to anyone who might be interested.

Back to work.

AK

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Interesting Opportunities, Trainees Progressing, War on Dad Blog Continues

Here's where I'm not sure what to say that doesn't sound like a "look at me, I have news and can't tell

#VaguePosting

you yet" kind of thing. But , well... Fingers crossed that the email exchange I've been having the last week or so with an event coordinator will be giving me more opportunity to plug the "Reading" aspect of this blog's title. I've always tried to be the kind of person to under promise and over deliver and keep potential opportunities close to the vest to avoid disappointments, however: I feel pretty good about this one.

Regardless, when it becomes official, I'll be sure to hashtag-humble-brag all about it. And in the event that it falls through, I'll talk about it anyways and why I was excited.

Still, could be very cool. Plus, it's even more incentive to get more diligent with my book-writing stuff (not that this blog isn't cool et all.)

*** 

Get Up Drills

Last night at the Blaze Pro Wrestling Centre we had a very good session. I've not been able to attend as many recently as I've been able to in the recent past, which sucks because I very much like getting in the ring, sharing knowledge and pushing myself - as I may have stated a time or 12 in previous blog posts. 

This session was interesting for a number of reasons. A good number of our trainees are really coming into their own which is honestly, super gratifying to see. While we had a group last night of members at varying levels of proficiency - every one of them has shown marked improvement in the past few weeks alone. 

It really is amazing to see the light bulb beginning to go off behind their eyes as what once seemed a completely foreign idea is now just becoming another tool in the toolbox.

Sure. More work to do. For me too - this old man ain't exactly in fighting shape these days. However, for any one of the BPW crew reading this - I meant every word last night. You're doing great, and you're only going to get better if you keep working as hard as you are.

***

And speaking of hard work. No gym last night since I was in ring coaching the "kids" instead. And while I didn't get as physical as I normally do, that's probably a good thing. The change up I've made to my resistance training has been very effective and I've been feeling the difference in my muscles - even if it looks no different from the outside. As such, making sure I've got adequate rest between lifts really is a good thing. these old joints ain't getting any more flexible sadly.

April 8, 2025
Shoulders w/Chest and Triceps

Mach OHP - 60 x 10, 80 x 10, 100 x 10, 120 x 10, 130 x 10, 140 x 10, 150(rack) x 7,6 (a big achievement for me - I've been avoiding OHP for years due to joint pain)
Smith Low Incline Press - 205 x 6, 8, 7, 5, 5 (prev exercise wore me out, next time start lower)
DB Upright Row - 40lb x 15, 15, 15
DB Side Lat Raise - 30lb x 15, 15, 15
Rev Grip Tricep Ext - 50 x 15, 60 x 15, 70 x 15
Tricep Extension - 70 x 15, 15, 15
Peck Fly - 160 x 15, 15, 15

Terrific pump after this. A bit lower volume on the chest on purpose. I really want to try and bring my shoulders back into focus as I feel like they've been neglected a lot recently. So, this so far feels like it's working pretty great.

While I didn't do any focused cardio after that session I justified it with all of the personal item sorting, box moving and home prepping I've been doing lately. Yay real Estate game. Worth it, but still... 

If anyone cares I have a few other items for sale up on Marketplace. I'll understand if said items are too geeky for you and you want to shame me for even having these items. But they've given me so much enjoyment over the years and I'm happy to pass them along to new folks should they desire.

More to come when I have more to say.

AK

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Ain't As Good As I Once Was

But in the words of the late Toby Keith, "I'm as Good ONCE as I Ever Was."

At least, that's the goal every time I step into the ring to work with the Blaze Pro Wrestling trainees, to try and offer some wisdom, have a few laughs and to challenge them to be better than they were the day before.

It's a struggle. It's a damned struggle every day.

Not to make this a "woe is me" but I'm tired. I'm sore. And life is a busy one atm. 

But there are still things I want to pursue, in the ring and out. So committing time every week to work with these kids is both good for them (hopefully) as they get to pick my brain and maybe learn a thing or three; and good for ME to realize that I can still do a lot of the things I used to do even if I have to make some modifications along the way.

Plus. It's incentivizing. Makes me want to do more.

The next few BPW events are going to be interesting (fingers crossed) and I want to be as close to at my best as I can be. The crowds deserve that. And frankly, my ego has a hard time being less than I can be. Nothing wrong with a bit of ego driven incentive - so long as one can acknowledge it properly and not let it dominate the thoughts and actions.

After that. Who knows? My outside of the ring schedule is a bit of a shit show, but I'm always open to more opportunities in other markets. It's clear that the local scene is flooded with talent (?) so I'm beyond grateful for the place I have working with BPW. 

But ain't nobody ever gonna tell me that the Outlaw ain't able to deliver for crowds all across the Commonwealth.

But since "Mr Manitoba" Brenden Collins reminded me of it, I'd like to provide this link to a much younger Adam Knight, back when "you really could move, man!" I'll never be this kid again, but I guarantee I can still bring it.

Until I have more to say.

AK

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Learn Your Limits

I'm sure just writing that blog title makes certain segments of the "ManoVerse" wanna deride and belittle me for being a Soy Boy, a Pansy or some other kinda 12-Ply Soft schmuck. 

*Mimics some deep voiced, all-traps-no-neck-dude-bro* "You can't be a MAN unless you push through and break your limits! No Days Off, Bro!  We ain't got time to Bleed."

Or some shit like that.

Look. I'm not saying that it's a bad idea to push yourself. To test your limits and see just how far one can push themselves. In fact, if we as a people ever want to improve ourselves it's Essential that we push to our limits. See how far we can stretch and develop in order to grow, to evolve and to - hopefully - be better.

But as much as some jag-offs will live that "All Gas, No Brakes" mentality, the reality is that everybody hits a point where they have to just stop. Assess objectively where they're at and evaluate their next course of action.

Nobody can go at Mach 10 forever. Hell, that's why it's Mach 10. There's 9 other Machs' to hang around at before you lose cabin integrity, Maverick.

Sorry. Dorky.

The point is, on some level I think we're all guilty of doing this to ourselves. I see it in my family and friends all the time. Moreover, I see it in the fatigued blue-grey eyes of the 300lb goon who stares back at me in the mirror every time I need a shave. 

In spite of my best efforts to try and modify my efforts, limit my responsibilities and take more time for myself. The truth is, I suck at it. Sure, I'll have time to just power down on the couch, watch my Jets play hockey and chill. But that comes in fits and starts when my body and brain have been pushed as far as they can go doing everything I can to keep the lights on and my loved ones fed, happy and supported.

This isn't meant to be a "woe is me, blog" but merely a warning. To myself and others.

Learn Your Limits. We can't be everything to everyone else if we aren't able to protect ourselves. Physically, Mentally and Emotionally.

This applies to everything. 

There are so many things I want to do. Write this blog. Write my next novel. Record my podcast. Train and lean out in the gym. Get in the wrestling ring once a week to work on my craft and help the next generation. Be a good dad. Walk my dog. Help love and support my family. Be there for my girlfriend in a present and substantive way.

Jesus... that's a lot. And nothing in that paragraph lists any of the things that I HAVE to do just to be able to do those things.

The consolation I take in this moment as I write this on barely 4 hours of sleep is that I'm actually BETTER at recognizing my limits than I used to be.

Like some kind of a moron I was at the gym before going to wrestling training. Because I was feeling like my shoulders weren't growing and that I "Needed a lift to wake myself up." To my credit I got about 20 minutes in and realized that I was a complete fucking moron. Everything hurt, I was sweating less from effort and more from pure fatigue, and my mood was so sour that every person just existing in the weight pit was irritating the hell outta me.

So I left.

Old me? Fuck that noise, I'd be in that gym going twice as hard. Punishing myself for being "weak" and going until I had a headache or worse.

But by admitting that I was at the end of my rope, and acknowledging that I wasn't doing myself any favors - I was able to make a better decision and get gone.

The gym will be there tomorrow. Or the next day if I'm up for it. It's fine, Big Fella. 

Look... As much as I want to make a really clever or salient point here, the truth is that we all just need to be kinder to ourselves. To admit that we can't always be everything to everybody, that sometimes we can't even do that for ourselves.

And good grief, that's okay.

So when you're ready. When you're well rested and properly hydrated. When you've been fed. When you've spent time with your loved ones and recharged that personal mental and emotional battery.

When you've done that. Then go out and Learn Your Limits. Whether that's in the gym, in the ring, in pursuit of knowledge or business ... Go forth and learn.

Maybe by then you'll be ready to push them a bit further than you thought you could.

Be well. Take care of yourself. 

AK

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