Nobody Knows What They're Doing (Reposted from my Patreon Page)

Especially Me. So, here's the deal. I wanna work on getting myself more out there and creating a community. A safe, inclusive community where we can talk about all kinds of different things. Yes, Wresting, writing, Star Wars and other nerdy stuff? All welcome. But so is News of the World, Personal struggles, real life issues, health and fitness, or just basically - whatever is on your mind that you want to share. The place to share that? My weekly livestream on YouTube ( @KnightFallProd). Eventually I hope to expand it to multiple platforms, but I'm gonna start it off on old faithful YouTube for now. If that's something you're interested in? Please check it out. Episode Zero is up right now. And hoo boy is it ROUGH. But, it's honest and it's real. And It's something I'd like to continue doing. https://youtube.com/live/qw7GvDXSvRc?feature=share So - if this is something that you'd like to help with? If the idea of this community is something you'd like to be a part of, please consider becoming a Member of my page. Whether a paid member or not, I hope to offer something for everyone here. If you want to support directly that's always appreciated. My books and tee shirts are available at the following links. Please Read / Wear with Pride Books - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B074B1LJLS Shirts - https://www.prowrestlingtees.com/OutlawAK Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/OutlawAdamKnight Instagram - @OutlawAdamKnight and @WarOnDadBlog YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@KnightFallProd

Patreon - www.patreon.com/OutlawAK BlueSky - @OutlawAK Thanks Everyone. AK

Being Okay About Not Being Okay

Yeah, so - it's been a minute. A challenging minute if I'm being honest.

In spite of my best efforts to sit and write and express myself and my thoughts, frankly - I've been at a loss for words.

Still am in many ways. I have the urge to write, but the trepidation of wondering how much to say.

At the beginning of September I had a particularly bad moment. Sent me into a bad place mentally. No, not self-harming- so please, not like that. But definitely to a challenging spot. one where I didn't know how to handle myself. 

After spending the majority of my adult life in what felt like a state of "need to" I hit a minor breaking point. Well, I'm calling it minor, but it didn't feel like it at the time.

At the urging of my loved ones I went to see my physician and had some tests done. I'm glad that I did. 

Insomnia. Dangerously high blood pressure. Anxiety. Migraine level headaches.

So, I've been prescribed some gentle meds and lots of rest. It took me all of September to properly learn how to sleep again - I know, right? And most of October to prioritize the things that are really important to me.

Family. Health. Peace of mind.

So that's gonna be my focus for a bit. trying to get myself better so that I can BE better for my family.  So many times I've said these words out loud. To myself and to others. But for the first time in a long time ... I'm going to actually try and follow through.

Because people love me. and need me. And I'm no longer going to be "just getting by" in my efforts to be there for them.

We are no good to the people we love if we aren't good to ourselves.

Important to remember.

AK

We're Still Standing

So many things to be said and not sure where to begin. 

Post show I've been trying to write some recap blogs about the specific matches, put over those who've been making big strides and just generally trying to share to love and positivity that I've frankly re-Found for Pro Wrestling.

On more than a few occasions I've thought I was out. Out of interest. Not wanting to make the effort. Deal with the prima donnas in the "locker rooms". The money launderers, the sex pests, the ego cases ... I mean, yeah, you find those in pretty much any industry. But well, wrestling comes from carny lifestyle so ... by and large that ain't going to completely go away.

But what Billy, and Tony and Diamond (and their very supportive partners of course) have put together with Blaze Pro Wrestling is a truly Family Environment. 

Sure, we got some cussing, bad language and more. Every event features some kind of hardcore match of "questionable family friendly rating." 

But every event, training session and basically every time we get together - you can feel everyone pulling together as a TEAM.

Friday Aug 29th - the last Long Weekend of a beautiful Manitoba Summer we packed over 300 people into the Franco Manitoban Cultural Centre in Winnipeg. Those people came out to see the stars of Blaze Pro Wrestling and no one else. No import talent charging a fortune to tiptoe through matches. No "indy darling" of questionable reputation who was going to dictate the terms for who they'd work and how. No local media group helping us get the word out.

Just One Team of hard working, dedicated people who've busted ass all year, put on consistent, quality events to the enjoyment of our fanbase.

This is how Wrestling Unites people.

The smiles. The kids screaming. The sweat, the effort and more. 

This is Pro Wrestling.

And the best part, we're just getting started.

We all see areas for improvement and we're going to do just that. As the Provincial Champion (excuse me, the Best God Damned Heavyweight Champion in all of Canada) I have the privilege and burden to deliver against top flight opponents. Next up (currently) Mr Manitoba himself, breaking out on his own is "The Beast" Brenden Blake. 275lb of pure athlete. The visual alone of us facing off was enough to get the crowd excited.

This whole roster deserves a standing ovation. And I could go on endlessly.

But for now I just want to say "Thank you" and finally "Now we go to work!"

AK

LINKTREE

Putting Smiles on Faces

In case I haven't said it before, I've been doing the pro wrestling thing for 30 years.

As such it's easy to have periods of time where one feels tired. Even bored. Definitely jaded by the repetitive nature of the industry. Especially when dealing with no name ego maniacs in locker rooms, or worse so-called promoters using their daddy's money to fantasy book events with all their flavour of the week darlings just so they can hang out and feel cool.

Just saying.

Anyways, with all that hanging over my aging back and crusty knees, it's easy to become crabby when going to shows. Pro Wrestling for me is best when it's FUN. Yes, Business. Yes, Job. But if it's not fun, then it's not worth the time or effort.

This past Saturday was more than worth it.

Having the chance to work the Bloodvein Off-Reserve Treaty Days event held at the Sergeant Tommy Prince Centre with the rest of our Blaze Pro Wrestling team was an absolute pleasure. So many kids. So many families. Just a fantastic afternoon of community and culture for all. 

Everywhere you turned there were people smiling, enjoying themselves and their community. Getting to connect and commune just celebrate their shared history. Before we began the graps', there was an amazing Pow Wow featuring local drummers, singers and traditional dancers in full regalia. I'm embarrassed to admit that I've never attended one of these before and frankly am the lesser for it. Simply outstanding energy and emotion in those steps.

I'll definitely make time for that again.

As for the wrestling event itself? I mean, what a great time. You can always tell when you're working for people who've likely never seen live wrestling before. Their eyes are wider, their screams are a bit louder and those smiles... damn the smiles on those kids' faces.

That's why we do this, man.

I've been privileged to wrestle with some top flight athletes for some very discerning audiences. I've had the chance to test myself, push myself and really work to win over some "smarty pants pseudo-fans" who think they know better than me what is supposed to happen in that ring.

So it's always refreshing and enlightening to get in front of a new crowd, with new faces and just Make New Fans.

The best feeling. Just the best.

So thank you for the honour of being able to make those kids smile. I hope to have the chance to do it again.

Couple of quick shout outs from the event:

SUPERPLEX - (c) Turnbuckle Pad

- An increasingly rare "first time ever" match happened for me on this event as I got to lock horns with Cory Diamond, a man I've known since he broke in at the tender age of 15 back at the old Chalmers Community Centre. During that time Cory and I have always stayed in touch but never had the booking work out in our favour. More often than not, he's been given some pretty tough assignments in the ring over the years. As such, it's been pretty rewarding seeing him have some of the best performances of his career recently with BPW. As such, having the chance to defend the Provincial Championship against him was a lot of fun. Just a couple of grizzled heavyweights getting to lay into each other for a bit was a damned good time. Thanks brother, lets not wait 25 more years, eh?

- About a year ago an earnest young lady stepped into the BPW Training Centre along with her partner,

Khaos Krossface - (c) Turnbuckle Pad

wanting to take part in the open tryouts. Until recently she wasn't that big of a wrestling fan but had started attending events and - well - caught the bug as it were. Over the last few months the amount of sweat, effort, blood and bruises this lady has endured would easily put most "wannabe wrestlers" to shame. She'll be the first to tell you that she's still got a long way to go, but I'm am going be the first to say that the work she's put in has been exceptional. As such, it was my pleasure to tag with Kandy Khaos (after she courageously saved me from a 2-v-1 beatdown from Diamond and Reggie Gallagher ... fuckers!) in the main event. Seeing the crowd light up after trapping Gallagher in the "Khaos Krossface" and forcing a submission .... man. 

What's next?

So glad that you asked.

BPW: WE'RE STILL STANDING!

1 Year Anniversary Event
Friday, August 29th in Winnipeg
Franco Manitoban Cultural Centre

340 Provenchez Blvd

Advance Tickets $20
VIP tickets $30 (includes early access, meet and greet)
Visit www.blazeprewrestling.com - tickets are moving FAST!

MAIN EVENT
BPW Provincial Championship
"The Pistol Punk" TJ Cannon vs "The Outlaw" Adam Knight

TJ Cannon is no stranger to this venue, becoming a fairly well established star and battling the demons of veterans past much to the crowds delight. This young man has worked hard and travelled across the prairies with several different companies in the pursuit of wrestling success and betterment. A fierce brawler and a hard nosed, stubborn opponent. The kinda kid any father would be proud of. 

Sadly, he's gotta contend with the Best God Damned Heavyweight in Canada.

Bring the fight, son. This Old Man has got lots left in the tank. 

This one won't be pretty. But it'll be Pretty Ugly.

Get your tickets NOW!

AK

LINKTREE

Getting Back on Track

Been a bit since I've done a "War on Dad Blog" post. In fairness, it's been a fairly busy 10 days. Lots of travel, a lovely family event, and the arduous process of moving homes. So it's not like I've been an inactive slob (ish) but time away from the gym does funny things to my brain and sense of self worth. I'd had every intention of staying on pace with the weight room - I'd been on a hell of a streak throughout July.

However. Life gets in the way.

That said, I did learn a few things.

That plan I wrote to reincorporate some heavy basic lifts? The one with some powerlifting / mobility days? 

Abject failures. Not the mobility parts, those have been very useful and stuff I now do before every workout for a bit to thoroughly warm up. 

But the heavier stuff?

Yeah, dude. You're old. None of that shit is good for your joints no matter how careful or smart you think you're being.

So, instead the more hypertrophic lifts and extra core and cardio focus has been very helpful. even on days without lifting, the active rest of hitting a treadmill for an incline walk for 45 minutes has been good. That and the in ring cardio has been good.

Plus, I actually managed to get some proper sleep this last week. So, while I want to kick myself for a lack of "effort" the truth is, I needed a de-load / rest week.

But that's done now. I've got 2 matches this month to defend the BPW Provincial Champion, and as the "True Canadian Heavyweight Champ" I need to focus on being ready.

As such:

Aug 10
Back and Biceps
Warm Up
Hammer Grip PullDown - 200 x 8, 8, 7, 6, 6
TBar Row - 3plt x 10, 8, 6, 6
Bentover Row - 205lb x 8, 8, 8, 8
Complete Barbell Curl - 65lb x 12, 12, 12, 12, 12
DB Curl / Lat PressDown - 30lb / 50 x 15, 15, 15
Hyperextension - BW x 15, 15

Not gonna lie, after that my entire back feels tight as a drum right now. But that's okay. I needed that reset lift to get my system back online. Tried to keep a good pace between sets, shorter rest breaks and really focused on the negatives. Took the weights down a bit lower than I had 2 weeks ago for safety and left a bit in the tank just in case.

Overall. A Good session.

AK

LINKTREE

Believe in Superman for a Better Tomorrow

Look, I get it. 

How many times do we need to see the same character getting rebooted, re-suited and re-cast?

Since the dawn of TV there have been almost a dozen different actors portraying Big Blue in live action, never mind the dozens who've done so as well in animation.

Some have been incredible and memorable.

Others are Dean Cain.

Moving on.

So again, I get it. We just had Henry Cavill do an admirable job in his films (troubled productions and grimdark they may have been) and I'd have loved to see what might've happened were he allowed to further explore the role. 

We also had Tyler Hoechlin on "Superman and Lois" do some truly terrific work in 4 seasons of their show, really getting to explore a different side of Clark then what we normally get. Really leaning into Superman as a parental figure, how one balances the responsibility of family and work. Of being literally powerless to help when his loved ones need him the most.

And those are just the 2 most recent performers. 

Tom Welling's 10 Seasons on Smallville, Brandon Routh getting the chance in both Superman Returns and briefly during a "Crisis on Infinite Earths" CW Crossover. Tim Daly voicing the character for many years on the animated series.

And of course, my Superman. Christopher Reeve.

Man ....

So the question is ultimately, why?

Why are we doing Superman again?

And frankly, I think the answer is the same now as it's been for as long as I've been alive.

Because the world needs Superman. 

It always needs Superman.

The world is dark and scary. Everywhere you turn there are people who lie, who hurt others for their

own benefit, who think it's okay to judge others just for being who they are. The world is full of privileged folks who take and take and give nothing back. Who see other people as lesser beings not worthy of their attention or support.

The world is frankly full of darkness.

Superman is hope. Superman is Light. 

And yeah, make your religious allegorical comments or whatever here. Obviously there's a whole plethora that can be drawn between the origins and motivation of Kal-El, Last Son of Krypton and Jesu Christo, God's Only and Begotten Son. Go for it. Nothing heretical about that. All art is drawn from inspiration of the art and beliefs that came before it.

Which is also why we continually re-cast and retell these stories. In a previous blog/essay I spoke about this, so in short - we retell these tales because it helps to reinforce the positive messages from these stories.

Don't get me twisted. As a cynical Gen-X man of a certain age, I too like my stories of over-powered types dispensing justice with their glistening muscles, their massive phallically symbolic weaponry spraying hot lead all over their enemies in a long, messy, homoerotic stream. I loved collecting Wolverine comics. I love ninja movies. Hell, I love the Expendables movies, dumb as they are for their sheer simplicity of right vs wrong violence. Fuck, I love a John Wick movie - I'd lay waste to any fool who thought about harming my dog.

But as that same Gen-X man of a certain age, I also remember the 3 consecutive years I dressed up for Hallowe'en as Superman, wearing the little red cape that my mother had so proudly sewn for me. The same kid with the Superman Underoos who repeatedly listened to the John Williams soundtrack on 8 track until his dad just couldn't take it anymore.

That little kid saw the best in people. He learned to be kind to others, because being kind is it's own reward. He learned to be understanding of the other kids, even the ones who made fun of him in school for being "fat," a "nerd" and a "shitty athlete." 

Most importantly, he learned to help others who were facing similar challenges. Form bonds. Build friendships and community. To do for others without worrying about "what's in it for me."

I took my daughter to see the new Superman movie this past weekend. Ostensibly, she was in it for the flying dog - also, a damned sweet element of the movie - and the chance to have snacks. What we both saw in the theatre that day was impossible to miss.

Smiles on faces. Kids and their adults wearing the S-Shield proudly. People enjoying each others company within the community and finding joy in a movie where the ultimate message was the power found within yourself was made only stronger when you found empathy for others and worked together to keep the selfish, lying bullies at bay.

Will you find shit-posters online making vLogs about the movies flaws? About some questionable CGI or potential plotholes? Probably. Those fucks would do the same thing to Schindler's List if Spielberg released it today - anything to make a grifting buck online (For Example: Why does everything this woke Jew make have to be about the Holocaust anyway? Was it really all that bad? --- For the record, Yes, yes it was. Asshats.)

So if you're wondering why you should go and see the newest Superman to grace the silver screen? Well, that's a choice for you to make.

But for me? Superman reminds me how to be a better person. Not a harder person. Not a stronger person.

A better one.

And if we want a better tomorrow, maybe following Superman's example isn't such a cynical idea.

#LookUp

AK

LINKTREE

The War (on Dad Blog) Never Ends - Summer Training Plan

The Sweat Box

Summer 2025 Outlaw Training Plan

FOCUS - Improve Foundation/Stability, Lean Muscle Mass, Cardiovascular Endurance

PLAN -  3 Day Splits; First - Power / Explosiveness. Second - Hypertrophy/Resistance

THEORY - As I begin to exit my Middle Age and find myself having the beginnings of mobility and stability issues it’s now past time to focus on things that I may have been taking for granted. Primarily balance, stability and the foundation of my strength and endurance. So each session will be a bit shorter in duration but will begin each day with dynamic stretches and core to warm up the whole body.

GOAL - Remain strong, fit and vital for another 25 years

NUTRITION - Approximately 3000 cals/day on the high side, prioritize Protein (250 ish gram/day), 5-10 cups of veggies and higher digestibility carbs / fats. I’m not trying to get any heavier, but without building more lean muscle mass I will have little chance of getting out of my 50s without more joint / back pain

Back to Basics

SPLIT #1 - POWER / EXPLOSIVENESS
Day 1 - Deadlifts
Day 2 - Incline Barbell Press
Day 3 - Leg Press

Each day will focus on ONE exercise and ONE Only. I will begin with 10 minutes of dynamic stretching and core work to begin. At which point I will begin my lifts. No more than 5-8 reps until I get into my working weight, whatever that ends up being. Once I reach the working weight (where I cannot get more than 8 reps) I will complete btw 3-5 sets before moving onto my cardiovascular training (either X-Trainer / Treadmill at a brisk pace - 115-135 bpm - for 30 minutes)

SPLIT #2 - HYPERTROPHY / RESISTENCE

The Almighty Smith Machine

Day 1 - Back / Biceps
Day 2 - Shoulders / Chest / Triceps
Day 3 - Hammies / Quads / Hips / Calves

These will be more of my traditional workouts where I can focus on more individual, smaller muscles to build upon the foundations of the heavier days. These workouts will be btw- 30-45 minutes with a focus on Full Reps, short ish rest breaks, a few super sets and just keeping the body moving. Like the previous split, I plan to hit 30 Minutes of Brisk cardio after.

Days will vary depending on time / equipment available on this split but that's fine. I’ll leave samples of what these days will look like below.

By the end of August I am hoping to be feeling both stronger and more stable in my foundation. I’ll track progress here and probably on my @warondadblog IG account for anyone who wants to follow along.

AK

SAMPLE HYPERTROPHY DAYS
1) Back / Biceps

Warm Up

Hammer Grip Pull Downs - 4 x 8-12
Meadows Row - 4 x 8-12
Bentover Row - 4 - 8-12
EZ Bar Curl - 4 x 10-15
DB Curls - 4 - 10-15

2) Shoulders / Chest / Triceps
Warm Up

Rear Delt Fly / Face pull - 3 x 15-20
Peck Deck / Cables - 3 x 15-20
DB Upright Clean - 3 x 10-12
DB Side Lat Raise - 3 x 10-12
Low Incline Smith Press - 3 x 10-12
Flat Smith Tricep Press - 3 x 10-12
Tricep Extension - 3 x 10-15

3) Hammies / Quads / Hips / Calves
Warm Up
Adductors - 2 x 20
Abductors - 2 x 20
Seated Ham Curl - 4 x 10-15
Quad Ext - 4 x 10-15
Standing Calf Raises - 4 x 15-20

The Champ Is Here - Now The Real Work Begins

This past Friday (June 27th) I had the pleasure of testing my mettle in the Main Event of Blaze Pro Wrestling's "Never Give Up" event here in Winnipeg against someone whom I've trained with, competed against, taken intercontinental flights with, shared laughs and inside jokes with - the hardest working luchadore in Canada, MENTALLO. 

On a sweltering night, in a venue where the A/C had conked out (no shade to the St Louis Centre, they did everything they could to keep things cool) my old frenemy and I locked horns one more time in competition for the BPW Provincial Title.

MENTALLO

It was a stark reminder for me just how easy it is to rest upon one's laurels, even when you think that you've been "putting in the work." 

You've seen it if you've been reading. Posting about my workouts. Commenting on my the ring training down at the centre. Trying to watch what I eat.

Overall, for an ogre-ish almost 50-year old grappler - I believe that I'm in fairly decent condition, all things considered.

But facing off against a man who still rides the roads every week, competing at the highest levels with some of the best up and coming athletes in the country?

Yeah. That was a rude awakening.

I've been saying it for months now. I refuse to be one of those "Smoke and Mirrors" guys who just kinda gets by in the final matches of his career. Relying on gimmicks and plunder and other shenanigans.

For 30 years I've prided myself on being able to hang with the BEST, no matter their specialty or weight class.

Mentallo is one of the very, very best.

And I was able to hang with him one more time.

Barely.

So I sit here today, victorious. The New BPW Provincial Champion. Or, as I arrogantly claimed after the match "The Best Damned Heavyweight in Canada". I have laid down a challenge, inviting anyone from anywhere across this great nation to bring their best.

Which means I also have to be at my best.

Being on top of the division is impressive. 

Staying there? Being able to Deliver as Champion? To draw crowds to your Main Events? To make the People want to spend their hard earned money to watch someone try to beat me for my title?

Hell. This is where the real hard work begins. 

And I love it.

Thank you, Mentallo. Kampai and Ganbatte! We had a Strong Game, worthy of the JCB Hall in Shinjuku. With luck, we can fight again.

But now ... It's Open Season.

Are you holding a title for your regional promotion? Do you actually dare to call yourself a champion? Well then, lets put that money where your mouth is. Coast to Coast and Pillar to Post, The Outlaw is on his Last Ride. So show me what you've got. BC to the Maritimes, it's open season. Prove to me that I'm not the True Canadian Heavyweight Champion. 

Now the Work Begins

Winnipeg is the New Wrestling Capital of the World. Has been for a while.

Come and knock the chip off my shoulder.

I dare you.

AK

LINKTREE
BOOK THE OUTLAW

BPW: Never Give Up June 27th

For Immediate Release

This Friday - June 27th in Winnipeg the stars of Blaze Pro Wrestling will kick off the summer with another exciting evening of Pro Wrestling Action. All of the BPW titles will be on the line starting 7PM at the St Louis Centre 440 Tissot St.

Here's what you can expect!

Mustachio vs Johnny Malibu

Fan Favorite Mustachio will be back in action, returning from his injuries to take on "Limited Edition" Johnny Malibu. The wily veteran is always a threat to any opponent, one to use scientific grappling and tactical strikes to wear his foes down. However, expect the wily Mustachio to bring the fists and fire and rile up the crowd on the path to victory.

Kandy Khaos vs Zamil

This rematch from "Anarchy in April" features the rookie sensation Kandy Khaos against the disturbed creature Zamil and his "inanimate sidekick" Timmy. Last show, Zamil ruined Kandy's coming out party. This time however, she has promised to Sugar Rush all over the hooded fiend and rain treats upon the crowd.

BPW Tag Team Title
HiViz (c) vs Big Cliff / Masked Menace (with DJ Disspare)

In the main event of Anarchy in April the undersized, high energy team of HI-VIZ (El Diablo Blanco and the Steel Studd) upset their much larger opponents to become the Inaugural BPW Tag Team Champions. This time around, the 400 pound Big Cliff (along with his partner the Masked Menace and the giant DJ Disspare)  has vowed to show the inexperienced team the true meaning of pain and become the new champions. Expect some high flying, hard hitting action!

BPW Hardcore Title Match
Billy Blaze (c) vs Cory Diamond

Batten down the hatches on this one folks, because this one is gonna get nasty. Both men broke into the wrestling business together over 20 years ago. Both men have fought each other repeatedly over that time. On June 27th, The BPW Hardcore Title will be on the line under "Bar Room Brawl" stipulations. No count Outs. No Disqualifications. Falls count anywhere in the St Louis Centre! Brace yourselves, fans - because the "Saginaw Warrior" Cory Diamond has been on a mission since rejoining "The Company" and has his sights set on capturing championship gold from  Billy Blaze.


Main Event

BPW Provincial Championship
Mentallo (c) vs Adam Knight

These men are no strangers to each other. Beginning their careers in the late 90s, travelling the same roads and competing for the same companies in Canada, the US and Japan. Respected, talented veterans who've locked horns over 50 times for multiple championships. The champion, Mentallo remains at the very top of his game, constantly touring and testing himself against the best competition around North America. The challenger has faced criticism for taking a step back, focusing more on training the next generation at the BPW Academy among other pursuits instead of his in ring activities. But those criticisms have not gone unnoticed by the "Outlaw" Adam Knight.

While both competitors have different styles and are built completely differently, their previous encounters have always been dynamic, exciting and hard-hitting. No matter who comes out the Main Event of "BPW's NEVER GIVE UP" there will be no doubt that person will been definitively a champion.

Blaze Pro Wrestling presents
NEVER GIVE UP
Friday June 27th 
Doors open 630, 7pm Bell Time
440 Tissot Ave, Winnipeg, MB
Advance Tickets Available at www.BlazeProWrestling.com or at "THAT's COOL" in St Vital Centre.

-30-

Win. Lose or Draw.

Somewhere along the way as I began the push to June 27th (Yes, the Blaze Pro Wrestling: Never Give Up event) I found my energy and motivation beginning to flag. 

BPW Presents !

Not because I don't wanna have the higher profile match, but simply because ... well crap, pick your reason.

Old. Tired. Working nights. Daddy duties. Literary convention. Plotting my next novel. Living arrangement issues. Regular aches and pains.

You know.

Life.

Let me tell you, no motivational "What are you willing to give up? What are you willing to Sacrifice?" speech or video you see being shouted in your face by those really swell people online who look super happy and fit  is gonna be able to wipe away LIFE and how it can drag you down.

Don't misunderstand. I'm in a very good place, there are so many things and people I am grateful for ...  I am truly happy.

That don't make shit any easier though.

Getting to ring training before work was more of a slog than it should've been. Props to the crew that showed up to work hard. I'd come in with every intention to push my pace; get us running, doing footwork and grappling drills, working on more complicated sequences.

Lotsa Grey Here

Not to say what we worked on wasn't good. I remain incredibly proud of this group and the progress I see them making every damned week. They all worked super hard and added to their collective toolboxes. 

I just expect more of myself.

Somewhere my therapist is probably making space on the couch for my return. Wanting to have another in depth discussion about how "everyone has limits" and how "No one expects me to be more than who I am."

The thing is though, is that I always expect more of me. 

I'm told that every athlete goes through this feeling (and yes, I am referring to myself as an athlete - suck it all my haters and their masturbatory podcasts). Where no matter how much one still has to offer to their chosen sport, the realization that they'll never be as good as they used to be is tough to swallow. Hell, its the reason why high level athletes often get cut and traded well before they think they're ready to hang it up.

Sometimes they prove people wrong and lead teams to greatness. Others blow out their Achilles on the

Fuck This Guy

first sequence and prove their haters right. 

I guess that's what's bugging me going into this match. Mentallo is out there on the road right now, still working at the top of his game. A top level athlete making the towns, having 50-plus matches a year (at minimum) still paying the price and giving crowds main event quality matches.

And I'm struggling to get through 45 minutes on the cross-trainer 4-times a week.

Look, as I write this it's 3AM. My body clock is an absolute mess and I'm trying to ignore some aches and pains that Advil isn't managing.

So, most of this feeling is just internal self-doubt.

And fear.

Man, that's hard to write. 

True though.

I'm afraid that I'm gonna metaphorically (I hope) blow out my Achilles on June 27th.

The version of me that was able to keep up with and go hold for hold, step for step with the top flight wrestlers who were often half my damned size is long gone. I've adapted and adjusted to remain competitive and relevant for a long time.

The ability to do that has always come through hard work. Battling my "War of Dad Blog", spending time in the gym, trying not to eat terribly and just... just putting in the effort.

Half Assed Effort Gets Half Assed Results.

I try to do everything with my Whole Ass.

Uh... You know what I mean.

Look, if you made it this far into my rambling please take this thought away.

In two weeks I plan to be the best version of myself possible. It will not be the version of myself I'd like to show you all, that man is about a decade behind me. However, I believe I've got more to give. The BPW office, crew and trainees have shown me more support and encouragement than I've received in wrestling - probably ever. And THEY Believe I've got more to give.

In a tough, carny industry where there's so much back-talking and politicking I want to repay their kindness and love by bringing my Best Effort to the Ring.

Win. Lose or Draw. 

*****

I'll post more gym updates in a day or so for anyone interested. I also wrote out some gym fundamentals the other day for a beginner, so I can make a version of those available to anyone who might be interested.

Back to work.

AK

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