Defining Success Pt 1 – AKA “The Author Origins”

 

First, a shout out to my boys Ed, Ron and Producer Bill for the inspiration to do this post / essay / rambling string of words. On their latest Patreon Only Podcast episode of “The Greatest Pod” (subscribe fools, support good people!) they took some time to express not only their frustrations with succeeding in the entertainment industry, but the pitfalls, challenges, own goals and more that they’ve experienced along the way.

And it got me thinking (a dangerous pastime I know) about my life experiences. How I’ve personally moved the goal posts on how I’ve defined success or failure in my own life and career. What I want out of life going forward. And most importantly, what I want to be spending my time and energy on now that I’m officially into my dreaded “middle age.”

In my office at home there is a file folder tucked away. In this folder are the block letter scribblings of a 20 year old me, frantically jotted down while he was supposed to be working on his actual job trying to convince people to switch long distance providers in a too bright cubicle farm. These scribblings laid out a plan for 9 fantasy novels (3 sets of trilogies!) that I firmly believed would change my life and make my dreams come true. I believed this because I had accomplished a monumental feat, completing an actual manuscript. Yes, my skinny fat and hyper nerdy ass had written almost 150K words and put them in some semblance of order. Initially this had been inspired by a wicked DnD Campaign (though in truth it was an unrequited love letter to a young lady who would ultimately break my heart – twice) and I was firm in my belief that any road to success in my future was going to be paved by my imagination and willingness to put words to word processor.

Then came trying to submit it to Publishers. And let me tell you, if you think that this is difficult in 2021 when there are agents and editors on Twitter ASKING you to pitch to them you have ZERO idea what it was like back in 1996. When Windows 95 was only a thing you had if you had money and email was in its very infancy.

Plus. I live in Winnipeg. Publishing houses here are awesome but by their very nature incredibly small presses.

Regardless, I went to the library. Took out a book on “submitting your manuscript” and put together 5 packages for major publishers. Because, I didn’t want to limit myself to only 1 offer naturally.

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what happened next.

No, I don’t have any of my rejections letters. Because the 2 I received back came easily 6 months later and the others never bothered to respond.

Frankly I don’t blame them. My manuscript was bloated, huge and pretty much a vanity project. The kind where I tried to write the wrongs (perceived or validated) in my life. Where I wanted to live out a fantasy that made up for the struggles that I was certain only I was dealing with. Financially, personally and otherwise.

Failure is a tough pill to swallow. Especially when you believed in your heart that you are destined for greater things.

There are still 2 computer paper printed copies of that original manuscript in existence. One of them sits in the drawer with that “9 Book Outline” I mentioned earlier. The other is on the bookshelf of the heart breaking girl in question (yes, we got over each other and remain dear friends to this day.)

That original manuscript sat in desk drawers or in storage totes and on an ancient floppy disk drive until 2012.

That was the year I learned about modern self publishing.

Unlike the method peddled prior to the advent of eBooks where the upfront cost was prohibitive and every aspect of the financing, marketing and distribution of your words rested solely upon the writer – eBook self publishing was much easier on the pocketbook. As such, the competition in the field is disgusting, and like most aspects of the internet is overfilled with hacks, smut and hastily thrown together schlock disguised as “art.”

With that said there is also great work out there. Very personal and well written work that clearly means a lot to the artist. The kind of work that would be terrifying to commit to writing and infinitely scarier to put out into the world for scrutiny and derision.

It completely removed the gatekeepers of the publishing world. It made it possible for a guy like me to live his dream.

The first thing I ever published was a gothic Vampire novella I wrote initially as a character examination from my brief foray into LARPing. It’s rough but dark and available to this day if anyone is interested. And while it scared me to put it into the universe it inspired me to do more.

So I wrote “Cowboy Ending.” A more personal tale derived in part from my real life experiences, struggles and fantasies. A book inspired by the artists who inspire me set in an Urban Fantasy version of my home city. And while it took a bit to gain traction, and I still had to invest in things like a proper Cover Artist and a bit of online marketing – the feedback has been incredibly rewarding.

Which was when I did the scariest thing I’ve ever done creatively. I opened that drawer in my office. Dusted off the frayed binder holding my precious manuscript together and found a computer that would still read the disk drives from the late 90s so I wouldn’t have to rewrite it all from scratch.

While “The Book of Korum” is still a beast, clocking in at over 120K words, it’s definitely more streamlined than the hatchet job a 20 year old kid managed to cobble together. I still have the idea of maybe going back to that world and those characters one day, but life is busy and I have other goals and ideas too.

Regardless, that “failed” piece of art I created in my youth has now been downloaded well over 1,000 times by readers. Lots of freebies and giveaways for sure, but it’s probably bought me lunch a few times over the years. However none of that shit matters because the success comes in the doing.

Do the Work. Because that’s the only thing you can control.

When you do the work to the best of your abilities you will know it. The accomplishment of the work is its own reward. It is its own success.

That feeling is what sustains me and what drives me when I want to give it all up. Stop building spec scripts, stop going to the gym and working out for wrestling or building new layouts for future books / stories / projects.

Because while my work isn’t making me rich enough to pay my mortgage, it makes me rich enough to feel great when I see smiles on people’s faces when they take a chance on my words.

And frankly, that’s really the only reason to do anything.

(However, scoring a contract with DelRey Publishing complete with TV / Film options would be outstanding. So if you’re looking for things to option from independent authors please hit up the DMs willya?)

AK

Download your copy of “The Book of Korum” at the following retailers for only $0.99!
AMAZON  KOBO  B&N  SMASHWORDS  APPLE  SCRIBD